It may not be evident at first glance, but the recent school shootings in Colorado and Wisconsin and the Foley scandal on Capitol Hill actually may have something in common.
All are examples of situations that could be averted if parents simply paid attention to what their children are doing online.
I’m not saying that these particular cases are the result of the inaction of parents – I’m simply saying that when parents take an active interest in what their children are doing online, situations such as these may be 100% preventable or at the very least if caught soon enough could be handled appropriately before any damage is done.
We are in an age of widely available instant online communications and global connectivity. By its very nature online communication offers a perceived sense of anonymity to our children; a sense that oftentimes makes them feel safe enough to tell ‘online friends’ things that they dare not mention to their parents or even to their local friends.
Without getting deep into the psychology of anonymous communication, suffice it to say that when we as people in general think that what we say can’t be traced back to us we tend to be more honest than we would if we knew that what we say had local and immediate ramifications. A simple example of this would be a best friend asking us what we think of their latest boyfriend or girlfriend. Even if we strongly dislike the person we tend to say what we think our friend wants to hear. If a mutual friend that we can speak to in confidence asks us about the new significant other we tend to be more honest.
Along with this goes the simple fact that no action or reaction happens without at least some warning. A child doesn’t go to bed a popular honor student, wake up the next morning, and decide to take a gun to school to kill classmates or teachers. Chances are the child that takes a gun to school has been building up to that action. For example, if the child is being bullied, he or she will ask for help or act out. If that is ignored by parents or other authority figures the child will begin to feel even more desperate. As the bullying or peer abuse continues and the parents seem to continue to ignore the child’s cries for help the child will become more resentful, more angry, and eventually reach the breaking point. It is at that time that the child, who has essentially snapped mentally, takes inappropriate action, sometimes with deadly consequences.
Oftentimes children in situations similar to these will have used online communication to reach out for help, to seek information about how to carry out their revenge, or even to talk about what they plan on doing. For them, the perceived safety of anonymous communication provides an outlet.
Those of us that are parents now did not grow up in the digital age, so to speak. We talked to our friends on the <gasp> wired phone. While we thought we had privacy, chances are our parents were listening from the other room or were even on another phone extension. They were doing their job – making sure we weren’t up to no good.
Today’s parents have the same responsibility to their children and society. They need to monitor their children’s communications and ensure that their children aren’t up to no good. The problem is that many parents simply don’t know how to go about doing it – in today’s world of text messages and online communication it isn’t as easy as picking up another phone in the house or listening at the door.
In my house my children understand one basic principle – their communications devices aren’t theirs – they are mine, and I let my children use them. As such, I may request them at any time and check to see what my children are up to.
In the case of a mobile phone, parents can look at the message history – incoming and outgoing text messages. Parents can also examine the list of recently dialed numbers and, using a basic internet search, determine who each number belongs to.
In the case of the computer, keeping tabs on our children is even easier. My children know that at any time I can go into their user account and review e-mails sent and received. But, like any good parent, that’s just a smoke screen I’ve created to hide my true intentions and abilities. It lulls my kids into thinking that if they delete their old messages I won’t know what they’re up to.
The truth is that I have installed software on their computer that logs every key stroke, instant message, e-mail (including those through services like Yahoo and Hotmail), web sites visited, search terms used on search engines, and even documents they’ve created. I can track the amount of time they’ve spent using various programs (great for trying to figure out if they’re actually doing homework or just playing around).
It is my responsibility as a parent to invade my children’s privacy to make sure that number one they’re safe and number two they aren’t in any trouble (emotional, physical, or otherwise). By keeping tabs on who my children talk to online, what they are saying, and which web sites they are visiting I can monitor their overall well being. By reviewing online chat sessions I can make sure that they aren’t being targeted by cyber bullies or predators or being bullies themselves. The bigger picture is that I am not only keeping my children safe but also monitoring other children for warning signs and inappropriate behavior.
Think of it as the 21st century’s version of all the parents on the block keeping track of the kids as they go from house to house and sandlot to sandlot. If every parent monitored their children as I do mine we would at the very least have a better understanding of what is happening in our children’s lives. More importantly, we could ensure that our children aren’t being bullied, bullying, taking part in inappropriate activities and conversations, and ensuring that they aren’t being approached by predators.
By keeping tabs on our kids we could prevent kids from feeling so alone, desperate, and angry that they choose to murder others. By keeping track of who our children are talking to and what they are saying we can lock perverts like Foley away where they can’t hurt anyone. All it takes is a little effort from parents – some good, old fashioned, privacy-abusing parenting!
If you’d like to know more about the software program I use to make sure my kids are safe online and the software program I use to monitor their activity, visit the good people at EdgeTech Madison at www.edgetechmadison.com.
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