I'd like to share an interesting story with you.
Last year my daughter went head-to-head with a grade school playground bully and beat him, but ended up in trouble for doing just that.
This is, in my opinion, the very reason that bullies continue to behave like they do.
Here's the situation: My daughter, nine-years-old at the time, was playing with a group of friends on the playground when one of the school bullies began harassing them. He pushed them around, tripped them, called them names and generally interfered with their fun and games on the playground.
My daughter did exactly what she'd been taught; she asked the bully to stop. He refused. She then found the closest adult playground supervisor and filled her in. The supervisor essentially ignored my daughter and failed to take action.
My daughter went back to her group of friends and tried ignoring the bully, hoping he'd go away. But instead, he did what bullies do best - continued harassing the group of girls.
Did I mention that my daughter just happened to be a First Degree Black Belt in Karate at the time? She thought back to her years of conflict training. She was taught there are three steps to handling an "attacker". First, ask him to stop. Sec ond, tell him to stop and third make him stop.
She did just that. First she politely asked him to stop but he did not. Sec ond she told him to stop but he continued. Finally she lightly punched him away to show him she meant business and again told him to stop. His response? He came at her again and told her to hit him again. My daughter obliged and used a forceful (yet restrained) side kick and sent the bully tumbling into the playground fence.at which time the playground supervisor happened to look over.
Isn't that the way it always seems to work? Supervisors never see the activities of the instigator but always see the defense.
When she came home from school, my daughter told me about the day, including the fact that she now had to give up recess time for her principal's version of conflict resolution - spending time trying to find out what happened and brainstorming methods that could have been used to resolve the situation without resorting to violence.
My poor daughter was scared to death to tell us about what happened, fearing that she would get into more trouble at home. I was appalled. Here was my daughter, who did everything right, having to give up recess time because some bully decided to pick on her and her friends, some playground supervisor failed to act and my daughter did exactly what we had told her to do.
We immediately told my daughter that she did everything right. We told her that we were going to go see the school principal and set things straight and then take her out for ice cream to commend her for a job well done.
Immediately after school my wife and I piled the kids in the van and went to see the school principal. The principal's stance was that no violence would be tolerated. I politely yet assertively pointed out that my daughter's "violence" was in self defense and only came to be because the person charged with watching over her at recess failed to do her job properly. The "violence" that the principal should have been concerned with was the bully's. Again the principal reiterated her stance that no violence would be tolerated.
It was at that moment that I told the principal that my daughter did everything right and that I would not allow her to be punished for it; I informed her that I personally would take any punishment she intended to dish out for my daughter and that my daughter was to receive no punishment whatsoever.
I continued on that the principal should direct her "conflict resolution" and "non-violence" policy towards the bully; she should take the issue up with his parents, not dwell on my daughter's self defense. The principal told me she had been in contact with the family and that they wanted to know what karate school my daughter went to so they could "report her actions" to the head instructor.
I couldn't believe it! Their son was a playground bully who got what he deserved and instead of dealing with him they chose to try to find ways to harass us and my daughter. It was at that point that I realized that no matter what happens at school, bullies are grown at home. It is the parents enabling their children to become bullies by never telling them 'no' and never dishing out consequences. What happened to behavioral expectations? What happened to behavior requirements and consequences?
It is today's culture of blaming a child's problem on a disease like, oh, say, ADD or ADHD, and not dealing with the root of the problem - the parents' parenting skills.
Only when parents begin holding their children responsible for their actions and stop relying on the public school system to teach their children basic morals, values and behaviors will the cycle of bullying be broken.
Until then, thank God for kids like mine, not afraid to stand up for themselves and put bullies back in their place! |